The One About Hypochondria and Other Stuff

This post can best be understood in the context of my last two posts.  

And while I'm thinking about it, this is (Probably) The (Last) One About Prostitution and Porn.  

And Other Stuff.

I have a friend (who shall remain nameless) who is a hypochondriac.  I mean, her picture could be placed under the dictionary definition of the word hypochondriac.

*In case you don't know, this is a case of the Pot calling the Kettle black. 

**If English is not your first language or if you are too young or too refined to understand that expression, then here is what I mean:  Hello.  My name is Marie, and I am a hypocrite hypochondriac. 

***Please note:  In the following paragraphs, I intend to explain my own absurdities; I mean no disrespect whatsoever to people who are truly afflicted with any type of malady.  Truly.

On a fairly regular basis, my friend and I have conversations about which diseases, disorders, or infections we've contracted since we've last seen each other.  She tends to have spleen, pancreatic, and skin problems while I am prone to exhibit symptoms of any affliction that is described in my presence.

For example:

• When I was 12, I had a severe migraine that turned into meningitis after I watched an episode of 20/20 that featured teenagers who had actually died from meningitis.  It turned out that I simply had a bad headache.
• When I was 5 months pregnant with my first child, I foolishly watched an episode of E.R. (remember that show?) in which a young woman gave birth to her baby FOUR MONTHS TOO SOON.  That same week, I began having pains in my side and actually spent a night in the hospital because I was afraid I was going into labor prematurely.  It turned out that I had eaten something that disagreed with me.
• After watching the movie The Notebook (based on Nicholas Sparks' novel), I diagnosed myself with the early signs of Alzheimer's, which lasted for several days.  In that case, my problems were actually caused by a lack of sleep--my children were quite young and very exhausting at that time.
• Speaking of children, when Drew and Aubrey were 3 and 1, Avian Influenza was a HUGE issue and was ALL OVER the news.  One of them had the sniffles, so I used that as an excuse to have our pediatrician examine them to be sure they hadn't contracted the bird flu.  It turned out that the child in question merely had a cold.
• About five years ago, after teaching a history lesson about the bubonic plague, I went home from work sick with said plague.  Actually, I had a severe sinus infection that kept me home from work for several days.  I had mentioned to my class that I thought I had "the plague," and it turned out that a few of them believed me.
• Last summer, after hearing my mother discuss her problems with arthritis and then later watching an infomercial about medication used to treat rheumatoid arthritis, my hands began to cramp and I was positive that I also had R.A.  I did not, in fact, have R.A.  I was just having hand cramps from learning how to crochet; I suppose I was taking my crochet lessons a bit too seriously and became rather tense, thus causing cramps.
• And speaking of cramps, my lovely mother was having severe leg cramps a few years ago, and she was feeling very poorly one evening when Phil and I stopped by for a visit.  My sympathetic, kind-hearted, tongue-tied husband patted my sweet mother on the shoulder and said, "I'm so sorry Momma G.  Do you get the craps often?"  (If you know my well-mannered, lady-like mother at all, then you understand how embarrassed Phil was and how hilarious I found the situation.)  Phil blushed under his beard, and my mother laughed almost as hard as I did.  (And that incident had nothing to do with the point I plan to make, but I couldn't resist...)

Back to my friend:  she Googles and checks WebMd to find out if she is at risk for particular ailments, and then she actually makes appointments to have the appropriate physicians examine her and run tests to discover if she and the Internet have correctly diagnosed her problems.  

I, on the other hand, also consult with Google and WebMd, but then I wait.  I don't consult a professional.  Mostly, I run through worst-case scenarios in my mind and drive myself crazy until most of my symptoms subside.  Then, I'll laugh at myself and share my concerns with my friend.

So two days ago, I sent a text message to my hypochondriac friend and shared with her my most recent malady.  I won't share the details here, but I had/have good reason to think I should actually consult a physician over the matter.  I didn't follow my normal routine of wait, go crazy, feel better, tell her and laugh about it.  This time, I shared my concerns with her right away because --for my mental and physical health's sake-- I needed someone else to know, and I needed someone to hold me accountable.  I knew if I told her my concerns, she would tell me to do what I already knew I needed to do: make an appointment with a professional to find out what (if anything) is going on.

I knew if I shared these concerns, I would have to follow through and do something about it or my friend would give me no rest.  And guess what happened.?.?.? After I talked to her, I forced myself to call my insurance company, and I found a physician in my network who I can talk to about my concern.  And guess what else?.?.?  My friend did exactly what I needed her to do: she sent me a text bright and early the next morning to see if I had made an appointment.  

(And all is well and all shall be well and there really is no reason for any of us to fret.  If it turns out that there really is any reason to fret, I will let y'all know in a post after my appointment.)

By now, the observant reader (if anyone is still reading, that is) is probably wondering a.) why I subtitled this post "(Probably) The (Last) One About Prostitution and Porn.  And Other Stuff." and b.) what point (if any) I'm trying to make.

Well, dear reader, I'll (finally) get to the point:

A.  The subtitle of this post is what it is because I'm actually about to mention prostitution and porn--I just happened to be long-winded about Other Stuff first.  

And....

B.  My last two (rambling) posts discussed the topics of prostitution and porn addiction (and other addictions and issues), and I couldn't end those discussions without saying this:  

Tell someone.

Come clean.

Get it off your chest. 

Stop creating worst-case scenarios in your mind. 

Stop worrying about what someone will think about you. 

Stop carrying your burden alone. 

For the sake of your mental, physical, and spiritual health, let someone else know what you are struggling with.  You will be amazed at how your struggle, issue, addiction, or secret will begin to lose its power over you once someone else knows....

About a year ago, I had a conversation with another dear friend over dinner, and over the course of the evening, I shared something with her that I've only told one other person on this planet.  And NO, I'm not telling y'all what we talked about, but here's the point:  I had been wrestling with an issue in my life that been a "thorn in my flesh" for years, and because this friend and I have years of friendship, trust, and complete acceptance between us, I was able rid myself of a burden that had caused me MUCH mental and spiritual agony.

You'll never believe what happened:  I immediately felt like a weight lifted from my heart, and SHE broke down in tears because she had been struggling with the exact same thing.  We were able to sympathize with each other, find some relief in the sharing our struggles, and remind each other of what we both know to be true:

 15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but One [Jesus]who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. 16 Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. (Hebrews 4:15-16)

We also were able to open the door for future conversations and for accountability.

My hope and prayer for you, if you too are struggling with ANYTHING that is causing you to feel trapped or guilty or ashamed, is that you will find someone you can trust who will share your burden.  As I mentioned in my last post, JESUS is the one who can remove the burden and addiction of any issue that any of us may have.  You can trust Him with ANYTHING, and in HIM you can find all the mercy and grace that you need.  I'm also suggesting this:

....confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much. (James 5:16)

**Note: this "confession of sins" is not confession so that you'll find the forgiveness you need from God; rather, I think this means that we should share our temptations, struggles, and SINS with trusted friends and/or leaders so that a.) we will have someone to help us and hold us accountable on our road to healing and b.) we will no longer be trapped and driven crazy by what we think someone may say or think about us if they really knew us.

Obviously, we should use much wisdom and discretion in deciding whom we can trust with our burdens.  If you're not sure anyone in your circle of friends or family can handle hearing what you need to share, then I pray you'll be able to find a trusted minister or counselor who can be a listening ear.  Ask God to lead you to someone you can trust.  He'll help you with this.  He wants you to be whole.

There.  I'm done now.  Y'all, for whatever you're dealing with, I pray you find the peace that Christ alone can bring.

The One About Prostitution, Pornography, and Other Stuff, Part II

This blog post will make more sense if you read the previous post.  Click HERE if you want to be able to understand this entry in context.  If not, carry on then.

Issues.  That’s kind of where I left off on my last post in which I spent a great deal of time discussing pornography.

That whole porn discussion came about because of some media coverage of a local prostitution sting.  I started thinking about how so many regular people can end up in very unfortunate situations (like having their mug shots on TV) because of choices that lead to habits that become addictions, etc.

For some, and let’s be real people, for MANY, pornography is an issue.  As I discussed (or rambled) in that previous post, anything that we fail to master can become our master and eventually ruin us.  Porn is a huge issue, but there are others.  If there is anything in our lives that we depend on or think we MUST have to find true comfort and satisfaction, then….we have issues.  Or addictions.  Or, dare I say it…. sin.  (?)  Ouch.  No one likes that “s” word.  Ouch.  I really feel like backspacing and deleting that, but I think I’ll just keep going and leave it there because it is what it is. Right?

Ouch.

This is my blog, and I can say what I want to.  I could create some much more interesting identity and I could tell some wonderful stories to make you think I have it all together.  But, most of you who read this anyway really DO know the real me, so trying to be anything other than what I am would be pointless.  And dishonest. Therefore, to act as if I don’t have issues would be wrong.  Right?

A few weeks ago I watched the documentary Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead.  One scene that really disturbed me was when a morbidly obese man shared that his family had just asked him if he had any objections to being cremated when he died; they were concerned that they wouldn’t be able to afford the specially made casket that would be necessary to hold a man of his size, and cremation would be a much more economical option in his situation.  How awkward and embarrassing--especially when the obese man wasn't necessarily at death's door.  But that could actually be the case for someone like me with all of MY “issues.”  I may not be the one busted on the news for involvement in a prostitution scandal, but my own “issues” could still lead me to much pain and embarrassment if they aren’t properly dealt with.

And that’s where I left off with my last blog post.  What do we do--

 –and I type “WE” because I don’t think I’m the only person out there who struggles with some sort of addiction, issue, or that “s” word—

What do WE do about our struggles?  Are we stuck forever?

Thanks be to God, no.  We are not stuck.

A few months back, I read some awesome articles that dealt specifically with the issue of addiction to Internet pornography, but the help offered for overcoming this addiction can ABSOLUTELY apply to any other addiction or "issue."  In one of the articles, the author, John Piper, references a study that was done that has shown that these things:  (please stay with me here)

• Internet pornography affects the human brain in the way that both cocaine and heroin affect the brain,

• Internet pornography literally "changes the physical brain matter within the brain" by forming neurological pathways which "require pornographic material in order to trigger" the desired sensations of pleasure and release, and

• while chemical substances like cocaine and heroin will eventually be metabolized out of the body, pornographic images cannot be filtered out of the brain because they are stored there permanently.

If you've never read or heard about this research, you really ought to check out the links below because I have neither the ability nor the time to fully explain all that studies have revealed about the "addictiveness" of pornography.

The long and short of it it this:  pornography makes a literal mark on the brain and then, because it triggers addictive brain chemicals, it causes the porn user to crave more porn in the same way a drug addict craves his or her next high.

So what is a person struggling with a pornography addiction to do?  Where should a person begin to find help?  Well, he or she --along with anyone else with any other type of addiction or "issue"-- can begin by asking God for a transformed mind.  

"...we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another..." (2 Corinthians 3:18) 

This may seem rather cliche' at first, but it's true.  It's real.  It works.  Beholding the glory of Jesus--learning of Him, meditating on Him and His tremendous love, seeking Him in His Word--THIS leads to transformation.  I've seen it happen in the lives of people I know.  I've seen for myself how God radically changes the thoughts, hearts, habits, dreams, and actions of men and women who have stuffed their brains and hearts full of Jesus and His Word; EVERYTHING about them changes.  
I'm not saying their struggles have disappeared completely, but I'm saying they are no longer slaves being dragged down the pornographic paths that have been imprinted on their brains.  Piper writes, 

we should take hold of this amazing connection and claim what the Bible claims: Beholding the glory of the Lord, we are being changed (2 Corinthians 3:18). Of course seeing nudes changes the brain. But why should we think that seeing the glory of Christ exerts a weaker change? 

If brain paths pervert our affections and our behavior, do not make the wild mistake of assuming sanctification can only make weaker paths. 

Paul calls you to “be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new man, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness” (Ephesians 4:23–24). Watch out, lest you assume that the renewal of “the spirit of the mind” leaves no trace in the paths of the brain. It does. 

Paul says, “Put on the new man, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator” (Colossians 3:10). If the seeing of Internet nakedness creates new paths in the brain, how much more the seeing of Christ — the spiritual sight of “the gospel of the glory of Christ who is the image of God” (2 Corinthians 4:4). We are not left to create new brains for ourselves: “we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus” (Ephesians 2:10). Do not be cowed by brain research. God made the brain and wrote the Book. 

Y'all, I don't have permission to name names, but I KNOW THIS WORKS.  REALLY.  

If you are struggling with addictions or issues of any kind, you--WE-- really can find true transformation in Christ.  He can lead you--He can lead ANY OF US--to real freedom.  The process of changing your brain may also involve some sort of counseling and accountability, but as you seek Him, you can trust Him to lead you along the paths and to the people who can help you along the way.  Really.  You can trust Him.  He really IS the answer.

If any part of this rambling post resonates with you, please consider reading the articles and listening to the podcast links below--they will be more helpful and more coherent than I can ever be. One of Piper's articles gives some especially awesome strategies on defeating temptation; his remarks on "the bloody Christ, body odors, and bears" are thought-provoking and liberating (and hilarious).

 "Hijacking Back Your Brain From Porn"

"Pornography: The New Narcotic"

The Andy Savage Show: Purity is Sexy, Part 2--Guest Michael Horner (Episode #75)
Click Here

The One About Prostitution and Pornography. And other stuff. Part I

Phil is home sick today, and the temperature outside has been below freezing for several hours, so we’ve been taking it easy this evening.  My wonderful sis-in-law is taking our kids to their weekly MMA class so I can keep an eye on my guy who is feeling weak because a.) he’s been “flu-ish” and b.) he hasn’t eaten since Saturday night.  If you know us, then you KNOW abstaining from food for that long is not normal.  Other than Phil’s illness and lack of appetite, though, everything else at La Casa de Davis is pretty much normal. 

After watching the first five minutes of the 5 o’clock news, though, I started thinking that life in other places may be suddenly ABnormal for many other people tonight. 

So we’re watching tv and Phil tells me to turn the channel to see if a recent Facebook news post would be featured, and sure enough, there it was:  15 men and women were arrested today during a prostitution sting at a local hotel.  What really captured my attention was that the one mug shot shown on the newscast was that of a man who is a teacher and assistant coach at the high school where my son attended football camp—where some of my friends’ children are students—where people I know are employed.  

The newscast’s website showed the mug shots of the other people who were arrested in the sting, and several of them look like people who you might see at work, the bank, grocery store, or even at church. Probably, a few of them have families—children, spouses, parents—who are having a very ABnormal evening now that their loved ones have been caught and publicly exposed as a participants in a particularly (in my opinion) embarrassing criminal activity.   I’m thinking that life will never be the same for most of those involved in or affected by today’s prostitution sting. 

So I’m wondering what could’ve happened

or what choices were made

or what habits were formed that set those 15 people on a path that led to being arrested for prostitution or for solicitation of prostitution….

If you’ve spent any time at all reading my older blog posts, you know that I use this site for sharing family happenings, pictures, and random thoughts, and I have even used this blog as a “journal” of sorts.  I make no claims of expertise on ANY subject area, so keep in mind that I’m not trying to prove a point, win an argument, or pick a fight.  I’m just “thinking out loud” but not actually out loud, unless YOU’RE reading my thoughts out loud. 

Anywho. 

How does that happen, though?  The committing of acts that lead to the committing of crimes that lead to the whole thing of getting caught and being put on television and on the WWW for God (who already knew) and now for EVERYBODY ELSE to see?

I think it’s just like Jesus’ little brother James said: each one of us can be drawn away, enticed, and even baited by our own desires or lusts.  Then, those desires can give birth to sin which can grow to full maturity and then leads to death (See James 1:14-15). 

I think it’s the little things that turn into bigger things that become habits that lead to addictions that end up destroying us…. I cannot speak for those souls who were featured on the news tonight, and I’m not trying to explain why they did what they did. 

I know I’m rambling here, but the issue that I automatically think of in any instance of sexual misconduct is the issue of pornography, and pornography, I believe, is one of the most addictive, destructive, and DEADLY forms of evil that has infiltrated our culture, churches, homes, heads, and hearts. 

Pornographic images slither in like a serpent and bite with a venom that may either immediately or eventually ruin its victim…it’s different for everyone, but the results are devastating. 

Today’s news broadcast has me thinking about some conversations and confessions that I’ve heard and been a part of over the past few years…. Pornography has crept into many of our lives in sometimes subtle and oftentimes OBVIOUS ways, and we don’t always recognize its presence.  Or if we do recognize its presence, we may not immediately recognize its power or its potential for destroying our lives. 

It may have started with look at a magazine at a friend’s house. 

Or knowledge learned from someone who had NO business sharing that knowledge.

Or the discovery of erotic scenes in “romance novels.”

Or an unsolicited image that popped up while you were minding your own business on the www. 

Or websites that you visited for “informational purposes.”

Or risqué commercials or television shows or movies that no one knew you saw.  

Or the Devil knows what else. 

I know one young person who saw his first glimpse of porn in his middle school bathroom; someone had stuffed a pornographic picture into the paper towel dispenser, and he became an innocent victim who later became a willing participant….

You may think I’m overreacting here, but I’ve heard so many stories—from people I’ve never met and from some who I know personally—of how one thing leads to another.  And another.  Then another.  And sometimes, things happen that were never supposed to happen.  Hearts get broken.  Relationships are ruined.  Marriages are ended.  Reputations are destroyed. 

And mug shots could even be featured on the evening news.

Honestly, any and every addiction we have has the same potential to destroy us…. It usually begins with a desire that starts small but then becomes enormous—the thing that we fail to master becomes our master…. it isn’t just porn….it could be anything. 

The thing that we fail to master becomes our master….

We don’t have to be porn addicts to have issues, friends.  If we’re thinking, breathing, and existing on planet earth, we can have issues.  Some may be small, quirky, or cute, even.  Like having to eat M&M’s one color at a time.  But other issues…

…..like wanting and depending upon too much of anything or anyone for satisfaction or comfort…..

our “issues” can be devastating if they become our masters.

God help us.

That’s the answer.

GOD can help us.  Really. 

We weren’t created to be slaves to our desires.  We were made for more.

I’m calling it quits on this entry because I’ve rambled on for a long time now, but I’m going to post another entry where I’ll include the hope and help that is there for those who really want it.